Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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