i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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