nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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