i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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