I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
