Don't make out with my wife yet
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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