Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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