my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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