do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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