We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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