is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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