Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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