I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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