i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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