took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
