mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
