Im at strip club and am horny
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
