my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
