so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I could make wine with my vomit
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
