real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
