it was like his penis was on wheels.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
