I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
