Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
