i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
