A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
ok first of all what the fuck
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
