i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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