at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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