Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
