Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
