I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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