I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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