My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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