Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it hurts more in the daytime
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
