he wants to bone in the snuggie
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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