we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
