So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
