Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
