people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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