were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i've created a new STD.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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