it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
