I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
