why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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