ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
foreskin is a definite game changer
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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