How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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