At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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