dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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