So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
