she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
