You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
