he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
