Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
