I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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