Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
