i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
