Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
